i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
