I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
