so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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