It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
