Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
