Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
