I should be sponsored by Trojan
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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