Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
