I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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