I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
