I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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