hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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