We're facebook friends in real life
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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