It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I deserve this hangover.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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