dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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