They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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