this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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