Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
