its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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