the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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