Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
