Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
