Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
