i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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