Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
