He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drake has all the answers
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
