Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?

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  (810): Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you? http://tfl.nu/wjcf
  Replies (2) Good night (2732) Bad night (961)
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  (916): View more from California

  How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

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  (916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids. (1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions. http://tfl.nu/28ax
  Replies (27) Good night (4078) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  you alive?

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin

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  (905): you alive? (1-905): ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin http://tfl.nu/15wq
  Replies (17) Good night (3443) Bad night (675)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night

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  (614): So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night http://tfl.nu/bxgc
  Replies (13) Good night (6646) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian

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  (613): My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian http://tfl.nu/6wog
  Replies (63) Good night (8646) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.

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  (703): I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm. http://tfl.nu/zuvg
  Replies (20) Good night (4812) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem

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  (276): I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem http://tfl.nu/0t83
  Replies (6) Good night (3673) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.

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  (402): Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/igq7
  Replies (12) Good night (3317) Bad night (1060)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.

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  (832): I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water. http://tfl.nu/tyil
  Replies (6) Good night (1609) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.

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  (214): The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to. http://tfl.nu/ot3b
  Replies (2) Good night (1875) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?

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  (570): there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i? http://tfl.nu/asxg
  Replies (5) Good night (1824) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You said you were "testing the product for Chris."

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a bad man.

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  (732): While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing. (732): You said you were "testing the product for Chris." (848): I'm a bad man. http://tfl.nu/x77n
  Replies (2) Good night (1652) Bad night (910)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina

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  (540): Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina http://tfl.nu/3vzn
  Replies (2) Good night (1158) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had

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  (304): 'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had http://tfl.nu/8hwk
  Replies (2) Good night (598) Bad night (1750)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.

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  (760): I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level. http://tfl.nu/vn8c
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (454)

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