I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone