for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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