i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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