Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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