I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
