Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
