So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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