Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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