everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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