Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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