One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
