I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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