So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
