someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
