did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize