How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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