She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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