Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize