well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
