but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
