don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
