A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
