You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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