I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
