last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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