He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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