cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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