"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
