Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
