He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
