you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
