Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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