someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
