just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
