i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
