i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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