So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
