I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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