One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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