ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
